Since early childhood, little girls identify with fairy tales where the beautiful princess ends up with her prince charming. As we grow up, the description of the character changes, but the plot line remains pretty much the same. Many women have this wonderful fantasy of perfect love, and it seems that all we do is just move on from fairy tales and turn to novels and romantic comedies.
As beautiful as this dream may be, it can sometimes put a lot of pressure on a single girl who’s looking for love. How to avoid all this pressure, how to find love? There can hardly be a “How to” guide for these age-old questions, since no rule is set in stone when it comes to love. However, there are some suggestions that can point you in the right direction on your quest for love.
In the past few years, books like The Secret have taught us that in order to attract something, we should be positive about it and thus attract it with our own thoughts. On the other hand, we’ve all heard that old saying “Love comes when you least expect it”. In fact, many, if not all of us have experienced it firsthand. There’s also one more thing many people notice when it comes to love: you can feel lonely and only attract the wrong kind of people for a long time, but once you start a good relationship and fall in love, so many great people are suddenly interested in you.
Is there an explanation for this? There is, and you can use it to your advantage.
All human beings can guess each other’s mood and energy, even though this is very subtle and seldom happens on a conscious level. We sense how someone else feels, and when we sense something negative, we tend to move away, while sensing positive mood seems to attract us. Whether you’re happily in love or single and focused on something you enjoy (something other than love), the people you meet can sense that you’re happy and satisfied with yourself and your life. Likewise, when you’re desperate to find love, it gets you in a bad mood, and all the people you find interesting seem to be uninterested in you.
There’s much more to say about this, but this should give you the idea on how to act in order to attract the love you want and deserve. The basic rule should be: focus on something else. Of course, it should be something that makes you happy and something you’re passionate about. Doing this will generate the feeling of satisfaction, and it will keep your mind off of love long enough for the love to come to you on its own. It sounds a lot like the idea behind Habanera, the aria from the opera Carmen: “Love is far, you can wait for it; you no longer await it, there it is.” The best way to find love is to make yourself happy before you even find it. Or, as counter-intuitive as it may sound, the best way to find love is to make yourself happy without it.
All that has been said doesn’t mean that you must remain single until you meet “Mr. Right”. In fact, you can’t tell right away if the man you just met will be the love of your life. However, there are some things you can tell, and there are some standards you should have for all men who come into your life, even the ones you don’t see as a “Mr. Right”. As we already said, just because you want love doesn’t mean you should be desperate and you definitely shouldn’t accept just any man who comes along. Whether you want to have casual relationships or not, that’s entirely up to you. However, even if you decide you want nothing more than a casual relationship, make sure the man you choose is worth your time.
Here are several things that can reveal whether you should give him a chance or not:
Can you have a conversation with him?
Even though the man in question may not be your soul mate, if you feel you can’t have a decent conversation with him, it’s highly unlikely that he’s worthy of your time altogether. After all, you should do things that make you happy, things you enjoy – and if you don’t enjoy a casual conversation with this man, chances are you won’t enjoy the entire relationship.
Is he a reliable man?
There are many tell-tale signs that can tell you whether a man is reliable or not. But when it comes to relationships in this day and age, there’s one thing that always stands out – does he care about protection? People are getting more and more sexually liberated, and not caring about protection is completely irresponsible. Nowadays one can even buy condoms online – and if your boyfriend doesn’t bother to do so, or, even worse, refuses to wear one when you offer to buy them, he is without a shadow of a doubt unreliable, and you shouldn’t consider dating him. Just think of it this way: if you can’t even rely on him to wear a condom, could you rely on him to be the father of the baby he might make because he didn’t wear a condom? The answer is clear, and it’s a big no.
Do you think he might be a good husband?
Even if you may not be interested in spending your life with him, would you be happy for your friend if she married him? For argument’s sake, disregard the initial awkwardness of this hypothetical relationship between him and your friend, that is not the point. The point is, there are people who are not good for each other, and then there are people who are not good at all. If you’re interested in a man who belongs to the latter category, don’t waste your time. However, if you believe a man could really make some woman happy, even if it turns out that you are not that woman, dating him in the present can be a pleasant experience. Those are the kind of relationships you’ll remember with joy in the future, even though they didn’t work out.
In fact, you never know, someone you didn’t consider as a potential long-term boyfriend may turn out to be just that. However, that can happen only if you keep the aforementioned standards for all men you meet. Start a relationship if you enjoy spending time with a man and if you respect him. Only time can tell if it will lead to something serious. But everyone can tell that a relationship will make you happy only if you enter it with integrity and with a joyful state of mind. The best way to achieve this state and to keep these standards naturally is to make yourself happy even before you get in a relationship.
As absurd as this may seem to many people, one’s happiness in love depends mostly on oneself.